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SAN FRANCISCO -- The Cubbies and the public reacted quite differently when rumors
surfaced that Ronald Bonemaker, 2000 Cubby candidate for president who was accidentally
assassinated shortly before the election, was still alive and might make a run for the
2004 election. Cubby Creature guitarist and vocalist Bill Fisher claims that the only
reason former CubbyVision host Huck Forest didn’t run was because Huck knew that Bonemaker
was still alive and intended to run for president. "I thought he held himself back from the
race in deference to Bonemaker," Fisher said. Though Bonemaker, while out campaigning for the 2000 election, was mistakenly shot and killed by a madman who had been stalking Huck Forest, the Cubby candidate's body was never found. The last person to see him was Cubby cofounder Brian Weaver, who drove Bonemaker to San Francisco General Hospital's emergency room in his car. "When I got out of the car to get him out of the backseat and carry him into the emergency room, he was just gone,” Weaver conveyed over the phone to the West Coast Cubby news center. "I mean, his clothes were still there, but his body had vanished. It was like, one minute I heard him groaning and then the next minute I didn't. I never actually saw him leave, though." Weaver says that when he first heard the rumors that Bonemaker was not only still alive but might run in the 2004 election, his first thought was "I sure hope he found some new clothes. It'd be pretty embarrassing if he showed up naked." Jason Gonzales, longtime Cubby Creature percussionist, expressed a more rational opinion about the Bonemaker rumors. "I was expecting some kind of presence or force to make itself known to the world. But as far as him showing up and shaking hands and kissing babies - no." According to Gonzales, who is, perhaps, Huck Forest's closest confidante ever since Huck's CubbyVision sidekick Mr. Fantastic left for New York City, Huck did indeed express interest in being the 2004 Cubby candidate for president. He even came up with a slogan: Huck 2004orest, which, according to Gonzales, "comes off better vocally than it does in print." Bonemaker's no-show prior to the 2004 election and his absence on the ballot took Fisher by surprise. "I even told the volunteers at my polling place that there was something wrong with my Diebold machine," Fisher reported. "I thought it was one of those right-wing Diebold conspiracy things." Whether Bonemaker's failure to return to run for president in the 2004 election is indicative of his mortality status is currently being debated by Cubby experts. Fisher himself has been quoted as saying that "[i]f he didn't come back this time, he's not coming back. He probably needs to live out the rest of his life under another identity because if the right-wingers or Yuddle or the Reptoids knew where he was, they'd get him for sure." Gonzales on the other hand has been heard to say, "I wouldn't be surprised if a virtual Ronald Bonemaker started making appearances on various blogs around the world, spreading his message of educational reform, jet-packs and universal Finlandization of cellular technology. He loves computers." Whether or not Bonemaker returns, it seems that all agree he will not run for president again. That is being left to Huck Forest. Weaver says that "I believe Bonemaker’s spirit is still alive and his body is around somewhere too, and he may still come back, but I don’t think it will be to run for president.” Gonzales reports that Bonemaker had a secret desire "to kick Dubya's ass in public." The ever paranoid Fisher, however, wonders "...if this is all a Yuddle plot and he really is dead, but Yuddle is trying to use the emotional memories we all have about Bonemaker to their own advantage.” The one thing everyone can agree on is that only time will tell. |