Update 52

John in Utah

I'm still on the road---it's been nearly three weeks---only now I'm horny as fuck, and I find myself in the one western state where it's nearly impossible to get laid: Utah. To add insult to injury, I'm in Moab, mountain-biking capital of the world, and every sexy fucking 20-something dude on Main Street has thick, meaty legs and a fantastically well-developed ass.

I just wanna suck somebody off. Is that too much to ask? There must be lots of hot guys in this town who would love a good blow job.

Fucking Mormons.

Went flying yesterday morning in an ultralight aircraft, a three-wheeled, two-seater buggy with a small engine and a propellor sticking out behind the open-air seats, all strapped to a hanglider wing overhead. Essentially it's a 300-pound flying motorcycle that can float along at treetop level or ascend to altitudes up to 18,000 feet. We soared over giant sagebrush-studded red-rock buttes, floated smack in between 300-foot spires of eroded sandstone, then hovered just feet above the mud-brown Colorado River. Wow. There are indeed advantages to leaving town for three weeks.

Will depart Moab a day early to stay in Salt Lake City for a night before heading back to San Francisco on Thursday. I hear Salt Lake has a bathhouse. Hmmm....

Johno
andrenwhite@earthlink.net


4.27.04 9:58ampst



Update 51

literally

Thought you might like to know:

"In 'Man on Fire', Denzel Washington literally sets the screen on fire"

literally.

--JUSTIN NEISULER
neisulej@wellsfargo.com


4.23.04 10:02ampst



Update 50

the politics

You know what's really exciting? Everyone is independently starting organizations that are all dedicated to the same thing: getting the W out of office. I went to the march in Washington, D.C. yesterday, and there were hundreds of thousands of people there, even by the estimate of Fox News (ask the organizers ~ they say 1.1 million ~ but even the parks dept. says there must have been 750,000), and all of them were really mad at this guy. Furthermore, all of them seemed to belong to separate and often quite brilliant organizations, many of which have been started virtually overnight by young enthusiastic people who might theoretically just want to go dancing or have to go to work, but are somehow pouring lots of energy into this effort. And everyone seems to be generously, or strategically, you might say, helping each other out. Sometimes I think about Bush being reelected and how much he will be able to further mess things up given another four years. But then I think about all these individual efforts and I feel much more hopeful:

Swing State Summer Break
Do you want to go to a swing state this summer and register (likely progressive) voters? Even for a few days? With your friends? Need somewhere to stay? You want to check this out.

Driving Votes
Same deal, but specifically would you like to make a road trip of it with your friends?

Designs on the White House
Perhaps you are a highly gifted and funny designer of T-shirt slogans? And you would like to win a big contest judged by such luminaries as Chip Kidd and Tom Tomorrow, all while supporting the Bush alternative, Mr. Kerry?

Axis of Eve
Surely you or a lady you know would like some drawers imprinted with dirty anti-Bush political slogans?

Or have you started your own little antiestablishment brigade? Will you tell us about it?

It all seems in the spirit of the Cubby to me. And so pragmatically focused, too. Hey, kids, let's put on a show!

~ alk.


4.26.04 6:27pmest



Update 49

Can you say GAY

Kevin Spacey was mugged (no wait, he tripped, oops) while walking his dog in a London Park at 4 am. Who walks their dog at 4 am? I’m not saying Kevin was looking for a young hot stud; no, he was just out for a walk and tripped. I think he meant tricked.

And then there’s the GAY hockey player (Mike Danton) who tried to kill his lover. Oh wait, SI.com reports it as a 'Bizarre, incomprehensible story' and then they proceed to write a bizarre incomprehensible story, ignoring the obvious gay lovers quarrel. If they’re not going to talk about gay sex, then why read the sports section? Oh yeah, it’s for the pictures.

--Todd Payne


4.23.04 3:22pmpst



Update 48

KHAAAAAAN!!!

KHAANN!!!

--Mistress Pootie


4.20.04 2:15ampst



Update 47

Warm

Warm. If you say it a couple of times in a row, it starts to sound gross.

I was doing that earlier today, as I was figuring out my colors. I was doing a little bit of research about my skin tone and found out that I'm a "warm"-colored person, rather than a "cool"-colored person. I knew that, but I just wasn't sure of the appropriate vocabulary. So I've got warm autumn colored skin. It's such a nice way of descibing skin tones. Except if it's uttered too many times in a row it can really be gross.

--Emily


4.19.04 2:26pmpst



Update 46

Travels with John

I'm on the road, writing guidebooks. Last week, I spent two nights in Reno, the self-described "Biggest Little City in the World," where mediocrity masquerades as luxury, and gluttony as frivolity. I pity the poor slobs who empty their pockets for a shot at a a quarter mil. Fingers blackened, eyes bloodshot, they look just awful, sitting at the slots. As if to taunt them, the casinos place signs next to the ubiquitous ATMs that read, "Know when to stop before you start." Too late.

Spent the next night in South Lake Tahoe, where I appeared as on televsion on Tahoe Tonight, a cable-TV program on RSN, the Resort Sports Network. That afternoon, Monday, April 5th, I skied at Heavenly Mountain and got called a gay asshole by an agro snowboarder with whom I had a minor run-in. How did he know? Uh, that I'm gay, I mean. Maybe I am an asshole sometimes, but I didn't think that I was being one that day at Heavenly.

Last night I slept in Panguitch, Utah, where motels are made of cinder blocks and lights go off at nine o'clock in the evening. I am researching the national parks of southeastern Utah for a new book. Upon checking out of my room this morning, after spending considerable time at the front desk chewing the fat with the motel owner, he handed me a downloaded copy of a speech someone made before Congress about morality and decency in America. At the top of the e-mail, the sender had written that we must all ban together and vote for Bush. He clearly mistook me for someone who shared his value system. I informed him that I didn't care for Bush. He told me that John Kerry "scared" him. Knowing it was time to bow out of there, I thanked him for his hospitality and drove away in my rented four-door grey Saturn sedan to Bryce Canyon National Park. I'm learning to keep my mouth shut when I don't agree with someone's politics. This is a breakthrough.

Today I rode horseback into Bryce Canyon through pink and red "hoodoos," giant, towering spires of eroded pink, red, and white limestone. My nose is red and my ass hurts. Off to bed. Tomorrow I'll be traveling to Kodachrome State Park and the Grand Staircase National Monument, the monument that the Clinton Administration established in 1996, much to the chagrin of the locals, who are mostly Republican. They saw it as Clinton grandstanding to curry favor from the Sierra Club and other environmentalist radicals. If they only knew they were telling their secrets to a faggoty guidebook writer from San Francisco....

More soon.

xo,
Johno


4.14.04 9:54pmpst



Update 45

Stuff and Things

Bush Joke

Fitts Letter

War Profiteers

links provided by Schtinquez


4.13.04 10:24ampst



Update 44

I went today to the little stone church where I went when I was kid and visited my parent’s grave next to the church. It being Easter, many people where visiting their dear departed, leaving flowers. My parents’ headstone looked deprived so I went to the flower shop in town to get something.

In the shop, there was a little boy, all joyous and full of wonder, looking up at all the blossoms hanging everywhere in this tall lush space. He walked up to a little carved rabbit, about as tall as he was. It was just like the one in Alice in Wonderland, with these tall ears sticking straight up. He stood a few feet away, looking at it smiling; communing with this creature. I think he was trying to decide if it was real. He took a little step forward and stamped his little foot in a gentle way, as if to scare the rabbit away. When it didn't move he just giggled. He tried it again-- a little stomp of the foot to scare it, and then laughed when it didn't move. So he retreated, very pleased.

I boldly went over close to the rabbit; being much bigger I was not the least afraid. I touched the top of its ears and felt the warmth of the composite material it was made of. I looked over at the boy who was watching me and then turned and gently flicked the rabbit's ear with my finger a couple times looking back at the kid smiling. I walked away and then it was his turn. He walked over and flicked the rabbit's ear with his finger the same way and then we both laughed.

I looked around for the right flowers, wandering through the labyrinth of the store, smelling the sweet smell of living plants and enjoying the beautiful light pouring in from the skylights above. It's a very tranquil place. I came upon the boy again. There were balloons that had risen to the skylight above with their strings hanging down, and the he was standing beneath one, just looking up pointing at it--wondering. I walked over and pulled the balloon down to put it within his reach. He took it and walked around joyously playing with the balloon.

I go to pay for the flowers I had selected and the mother is at the register taking the balloon away from the kid. "The man gave it to me." he said protesting. She was visibly upset with me--glaring.

"Mom, the man gave it to me." he said again, looking up innocently, tugging at her jacket.

She just glared at me, so I looked away, putting up a wall against her shame and finished my transaction. glanced at the kid as I was turning to leave--he was putting up a wall too.

I wondered as I walked to the car what was going through her mind. Did she think the worst; that I might be a kidnapper trying to lure the kid in the car? Or did she have no room left on her credit card to buy the damn balloon? Maybe, she'll call John Ashcroft and tell him I'm feeding her son's joy and he'll put out the dogs. Of course maybe I shouldn't read into her reaction, but I can't help but think that joy has a hard time surviving in such a suspicious age.

--jim k


4.12.04 3:20pmest



Update 43

random vids

newwavepunkdisco

Iggy and Bowie on Dinah Shore?

The 4th dimension

--submitted by alissa


4.12.04 2:48pmpst



Update 42

I just can't stop laughing when I see this. Am I sick?

--alissa


4.11.04 2:45pmpst



Update 41

if you haven't checked out the song of the month for april, you absolutely must! i was a little late in getting it up there, but it's there now.

brian


4.10.04 9:20pmpst



Update 40

my new past

i called my friend the record producer yesterday and said, "i'm applying for a job and i have to say that i've been working at your studio."

he said, "yes. you have." (this is not exactly true, but i do help him do stuff sometimes.)

"hey great. thanks, man."

"what do you do here?"

"i'm an assistant audio engineer."

"yes. and how much do you make?"

"um... let's say it's freelance. you know, whenever work is available."

"on a per-project basis."

"yeah, and it's not paying the rent, so that's why i'm looking for a job."

"cool, yeah. sounds great. good luck."

and that was it. so now i have a new past. very nice.

--bf


4.7.04 1:13pst



Update 39

They're filming a movie across the street from where I work, at Eisenberg's (Fifth Ave between 22nd & 23rd ~ it's one of the oldest continuously operated restaurants in New York! Go if you haven't already!). Which is leading my office to much speculation... Is this going to be a movie about black & white shakes, turkey swiss & slaw on rye, and matzoh ball soup? If so, how can we buy tickets?

~ alk.


4.5.04 2:46pmest



Update 38

Eclipse chewing gum has a new billboard ad campaign that reads "Eat Stinky. Get Slinky." And I totally don't get what they're going for, other than fucking retarded. It makes no sense.

(Also, why does my spell-check moralize? When it came to "fucking" it was all trying to replace it with "funking." Don't you judge me, spell-check. Asswipe.)

--bk


4.5.04 10:27amest