What can we call a man who voluntarily coifs his hair in such a pattern, lives in a jersey, and races around the rink juggling soccer balls or rolling them across his shoulders in Globe Trotterian mimicry? A FANATIC, that's what! Being a huge fan of soccer, when this fella zoomed across my path he floored me and received an immediate place in my heart. But, like many a spontaneous crush, when the smoke cleared I recognized I had greatly overestimated his charms.

Why the change of heart? First, unlike the rest of the 6th Avenue standouts, Soccer Ball Head chooses to wear roller-blades, not skates. Being currently limited by issues of space, let it just be known that a great gap exists between those who blade and those who skate. A chasm riddled with the broken bodies of those who have attempted to incorporate both, but I digress....

Um, although initially bewitching, I must admit I found S.B.H.'s dynamic performances suspect, and for good reason. Imagine my dismay upon recently discovering he was pimping for his ill-fated business of "Soccerskate" (he swooshed by and smugly handed me a business card - as if?).

The concept is just what you suspect (or should I say fear?) -- playing soccer on Roller Blades!! For the love of Pete I hope I am in the majority when I say I cannot see the logic behind wanting to play soccer on rollerblades!?! I had the opportunity one day to witness people "playing" this "sport" and YES folks, it looked just as lame as it sounds. I will not rest until I put a stop to this madness and encourage an anti-Soccerskate coalition to form to assist me in obtaining this goal.