(Intro version)
NARRATION
(with accompanying ambient piece “Auxyuckscrux” by That Hideous Strength)
In a small village there was a child named Jojo Hero. Since his earliest days, Jojo stood out. He was serious when he should be having fun, and silly when he should be sober. While other kids were playing, Jojo sat with the adults, debating philosophy. “Jesus Christ, you got some strange ideas,” they said to him. One time, Jojo stole all the pet fish in the village and set them loose in the creek. Some swam to freedom, never to be seen again. Some of them died. The villagers all shook their heads at him and said, “Jesus Christ, you’re crazy.” The village kids grew up and got jobs. Jojo’s stepfather worked in the town plastic factory, making credit cards. But Jojo refused. In the village square he exclaimed, “Down with plastic! Bring back the barter system.” Jojo’s stepdad was embarrassed. “Goddamn, you’re nuts,” he yelled.
Jojo started to worry that he was crazy. He went to his mother, but all she said was, “Jesus Christ, you really are your father’s son.” Jojo had never seen his real father. “Why doesn’t my father live with us?” he asked. “Your father has many houses,” she said. “Now go out with the other kids.” One night, the village teenagers were hanging out in the square, drinking wine. Jojo told them he could get drunk on water. “I’ll show you how.” They just laughed. “Jesus Christ, you’re crazier than ever.” But Jojo knew he wasn’t crazy. He really could get drunk on water. That’s when it hit him: “Jesus Christ,” he said to himself. “I’m Jesus Christ.”
LIFE IS INSANE
(Our hero, Jojo, endures a childhood strewn with insults and comes to a startling conclusion.)
"Life Is Insane" artwork by Jorge Heredia
NARRATION
(with accompanying untitled ambient piece by Squelchy)
What is a young man to do when he realizes he is Jesus Christ? God is dead. People are cruel. The name ‘Jesus’ is exploited by wrongdoers everywhere. Jojo fled the village in a panic. He moved West, where inspiration called. Jojo traveled all the way to the ocean. He dropped to the sand and watched the waves roll for hours. For days. For weeks on end. Big, gray, tumultuous, like a liquid elephant guarding the depths of mystery. He decided he would stay until he got a sign. On the fortieth day, hungry and wet, coated in salt and mildew, crazed with loneliness, Jojo heard a voice from that void. It was the voice of a blue whale. Jojo listened. Jojo wept.
BLUE WHALE
(in which Jojo flees his village looking for answers. Forty days later, he gets a reply from the sea.)
a blue whale
swimming in the ocean
singing to me
about what the world could be
the mystery
beneath the sea
swimming deep
beneath the deep blue sea
a blue whale
singing to me
about what
a blue whale
swimming in the ocean
singing to me
about all the world's beauty
a blue whale
NARRATION
(with accompanying untitled ambient piece by Snitch)
Jojo returned to the village, full of inspiration, spreading the Word of the Blue Whale. He sat in the square, telling the people what the Blue Whale told him about all the world’s beauty—about all the world could be. Some people began to listen. They traveled with him to other small villages, crashing weddings, funerals and staff meetings at faith-based charities. Every where he went, Jojo and his followers made an impression. Whalers put down their harpoons. Consumers began bartering. Winos gave water a try. But some people grew angry. “Jesus Christ, you’re crazier than ever,” they said.
One day, Jojo sat on a bench in the square while the villagers debated: Is he divine, or is it all in his mind? The debate grew heated. Tempers flared. Insults were hurled. Violence was threatened. The Blue Whale hadn’t prepared Jojo for such chaos. Where, he wondered, was the beauty in this? He panicked, and fled down the lane. He tripped and stumbled head first into a briar patch. When he stood up a thorny vine was wrapped around his forehead. His skin was cut and bleeding. Suddenly he remembered what had happened to Jesus. If he was Jesus all over, would the same thing happen to him?
RESURRECTION PITS
(Jojo begins to spread the word, gaining both followers and detractors.)
I’ve got the resurrection pits.
I want to wear the shoe
I’m just not sure it fits.
Call me crazy, I don’t like pain
Not ready to die, this early in the game.
I’ve got the resurrection pits.
I don’t want to rise
and I don’t want to call it quits
Maybe we can fake my death
I heard they did that the first time anyway
I’ve got the resurrection pits.
I want to wear the shoe
I’m just not sure it fits.
No nails in my feet if you please
My shoes are plain but
D'ya know how much I paid for these?
I’ve got the resurrection pits.
I don’t want to rise
and I don’t want to call it quits
Call me crazy, I don’t like this
I don’t like pain, and I ain’t no masochist
NARRATION
(with accompanying untitled ambient piece by Jason Gonzales)
Jojo was confused. He couldn’t sleep. His story needed a new ending. The old one was just too bloody. He went to his mother and asked her about the father he’d never seen. “Why has he forsaken me?” he demanded. “You haven’t exactly been around much yourself,” she said.
He sat up all night long, clasping his hands and looking westward for an answer. But when he listened for the blue whale, he heard only the wind blowing down from the mountain. The mountains! Jojo put on his boots and climbed the highest peak he could find, all the way up where the air was thin and the only water was frozen ice. And there, he found a cave. With an old bearded person inside. “Are you my father?” Jojo asked. “No.” “Who are you.” “I am a wise sage. Who else would you find in a cave on a mountain?” “Can you help me?” asked Jojo. “Can you help yourself?” asked the sage.
KEEP IN MIND
(Worried that he will come to a terrible end, Jojo climbs a mountain in search of his father.)
Keep in mind
That all you do
Belongs to You
Keep in mind
That your words
Fall to the ground like dirt
Keep in mind
That everyone
Has a gift or two
Keep in mind
The world began
Long before your time
Keep in mind
Not only Christ
Can change a mind
Keep in mind
You cannot know
All there is to know
NARRATION
(with accompanying ambient piece “Yesu [Ebow Study #3]" by Alec Way)
“You are powerful. But not all-powerful,” the sage said. “If you keep this in mind, you can keep your heart pure. If you know your heart is pure, then why worry what they call you?” Jojo returned to flat land, once again a new man. He wasn’t the messiah. And he wasn’t crazy. He was just different, and everyone else in that little village was so much the same that he seemed to them like the Second Coming. When he broke this news to his followers, they shook their heads. “Jesus Christ, you are crazy.” “Wrong on both counts,” Jojo said.
Jojo Hero moved to the city to get away from those demanding villagers. He got a job at the aquarium, where he made many friends and gained much wisdom. Eventually he found someone to love, someone a little bit touched, just like him. Together, they grew old and happy. In the end, Jojo, did better than most of us. He got what he deserved. As for Jesus, some people think he’s coming again. Some people think once was bad enough. Some people say “this is all very unfashionable!” Others just say, “Whatever.” We say, “Don’t make messiahs out of crazy people. Don’t deride those with visions as insane. Don’t look for followers, for they’ll lead you no where. Drink your water. Barter when you can. And remember: Not every journey ends in wisdom, but if you climb to the top of a mountain, or stare at the ocean long enough, you’ll hear all kinds of things.”
JESUS CHRIST, YOU’RE CRAZY
(Fortified by newly gained insight, Jojo at last makes peace with his identity.)
Jesus, Jesus
Jesus Christ, you're crazy
Jesus, Jesus
Jesus Christ, you crazy motherfucker
You got what you deserved
You came along, telling everyone
they could be free
if they only gave up
a few of their precious amenities
Jesus, Jesus
Jesus Christ, you're crazy
Jesus, Jesus
Jesus Christ, you're crazy
Oh you've gone and lost your mind
You've almost lost it all
and now the only thing that you have left
is your life
Jesus, Jesus
Jesus Christ, you're crazy
La-la-la-la-la-la
Ha-la-la-la-lelujah
THE END
May 5, 2003